No. 51 – Moderating Perfectionism

No. 51 – Moderating Perfectionism

Dear One,

Intentionally, I write to encourage and support your accessing more potential for hooray-ifying results.  Amidst highs or lows.

Let’s talk ‘Moderating Perfectionism.’

This helped me move through realllllly hard stuff.  Plus, elevates day-to-day outcomes.  Both.

Prior, I exalted Perfectionism universally because it caused stellar grades, my prosperous first company, and 3 marathons. 

Differing from excellence or aiming high, Perfectionism had significant, ugh-inducing consequences for me and per The Pros and Cons of Perfectionism.

Less desirable aspects might be an all-or-nothing mindset, driving initiatives to sheer exhaustion, extreme Thought or Action, and/or feeling unworthiness, shame, or blame.  Yikes.

Perfectionism research indicates work burn-out and stress may also ensue.

A vulnerability factor for depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and other mental health issues per Paul Hewitt, Ph.D., ignoring this data isn’t a grand idea.

Internal Perfectionistic angst can be detrimental. 

Like…  Doing it ‘all’ shortcutting sleep.  Reducing family time and self-care.  Pushing through long, 16 hour workdays – regularly.  Avoiding action from fear of failure.  And/or, completing household tasks solo turning away helpful aid, denying youngens independence-building opportunities.

Moderation, or temperance per Stoics, uses reason and mindfulness to tame unfruitful behaviors.  Not mediocrity, this is observing reasonable limits instead of counterproductive excess.


Accepting and practicing Imperfection or good enough instead of fixating on ridiculously high standards at times.  It feels odd initially; with One-Small-Stepping it, more is accomplished, decently.  Or fabulously,

• Cultivating patience on what’s uncontrollable.  Starting with easier situations then, after success, Incrementally working up to more challenging ones.  Like taking deep breaths in traffic or Focusing on a friend instead of complaint streaming,

Flexibility gradually reduces Perfectionistic anxiety.  Going with the flow or mess, or aiming to, begets more tolerance and calm within – in time,

• Allowing others to help because, ummm, they can handle ‘schtuff’ too.  Teens can assist with or do laundry or dishwashing while parents ‘let it be’ if not done exactly as they would.  This models Moderating Perfectionism for the next generation.  Asking for or hiring support, if possible, frees up time and energy,

• Taking Breaks for “rejuvenating, non-work recovery activities” per Swider et al above.  Praying, Meditating, or whatever feels yummy or joyful when Perfectionizing spikes,

• Tolerating blips in a plan.  Acting As If until emotions catch up works and is a-ok. Reminding out loud that ‘Mistakes are Practice’ assists remembering that failures lead to learning and success,

• Saying no to not-really-important-things per Gut Knowing’s ‘unh-unh,’ and/or

• When poorly rested or to-do list’s a mile long, situations can feel ‘hard’ (like a 5/6 or above on a 1-10 scale).  PPWSDing (Pause, Pray/Meditate, Wait, Silence & Distance) works in these times for moi.  Take a moment before reacting, ask for Holy help, wait until later to handle ‘it,’ utilize silence until emotion goes down, or take distance by leaving a room/meeting/conversation – even for 1 minute.

Leaning into Moderation & Balance moves balls forward allowing for self-care and family/friend enjoyment.  Perfectionistic stress, then, reduces for a more loving, peace-filled path.  

This ebbing and flowing between excellence and pretty good equals better long-term performance.

In consciously choosing what’s humanly achievable – and healthy, relationships have space for imperfection and improvement while we better ourselves. 

With Moderating Perfectionism, your cup can have space to fill, and even overflow, increasing your quality of life.  And others’ lives.

Aligning more with what you love and what’s Divine – for a heart that sings.  And sings.  And sings. 

May Moderating Perfectionism gift wonderful you as I wrap to go love my dearests,


Original Email Date: July 23, 2021